What a few months it has been. Not sure where to start and what to say or even how to say it. I am 6 months into the pandemic and i have just about reached my wits end. The end of January while in Europe on a work trip, i received a call from my son who has started to hear the whispers of this new virus that is killing people and was in a bit of a panic being so far away from me and not sure what was going to happen. As a parent it is your instinct to put your child’s mind at east and maybe sure that they feel that everything is ok and calm, but was it really? I was walking around exhibition halls with people covering their faces with masks and thinking to myself, am i exposing myself to something serious? or is this all just some plain old flu virus being exaggerated by the media?
I complete my work trip and return home only to notice that i was coming down with something, could be just plain fatigue from an intense 10 day trip spent in 5 different countries but my paranoia started to kick in and enter the constant temperature checking, sanitizing and isolation. Fast forward 4 months and i had a complete meltdown. I do have a history of depression and anxiety, but had been off of my medication for several years, but it seems like the demons that used to send my mind spiraling out off control were now back to haunt me again. I have found some comfort with friends that were willing to include me in their small social bubble and we spend some of our weekends at the beach, but the panic has not subsided. The constant fear of the unknown, the uncertainty would send anyone into a panic, but for someone with anxiety and depression this pandemic affects them tenfold. Take me for example, my relationships have become a bit strained, i have found myself searching for ways to avoid the loneliness that i am feeling, or the emptiness that lingers. My usual self that is in control of my emotions has completely lost control, finding myself back on my anti anxiety medication and aimlessly crying because the world feels really heavy right now, so heavy that i have become numb to emotion, so numb that i cannot give anymore, all i want to do is take.
Mental health is a real issue and one that is realistically affecting people that suffer this illness. Do not brush these issues aside, these people are reaching out and asking for help in their own special ways, you just have to try and see the signs.